Sometimes I think so much, I feel like my head is going to explode…
Beating myself up about the past, hoping and wishing for a better future – bouncing between the shame and regret of the past, and the anxiousness of the unknown future.
I’ve read so many self-help books, desperate to free myself from this inner pain – the unhappiness of where my life is ‘now’.
I’ve studied all the greats: ‘Think And Grow Rich’ By Napoleon Hill, ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ By Robert. T. Kiyosaki, ‘Ask And It Is Given’ By Jerry & Esther Hicks, and of course ‘You can Heal Your Life’ By Louise Hay – the ultimate self-help guru.
Each and every book points to the mastery of our mindset – thinking, feeling, manifesting our dreams into reality.
I worked really hard on this for two years: writing and listening to positive affirmations, gratitude work, meditating, EFT tapping – you name it, and I’ve tried it. I focused so much on trying to change my negative mindset by ‘thinking’ positive thoughts, that it was actually counter productive. My mind felt completely overwhelmed, and not to mention, utterly exhausted!
After examining these two years, I felt saddened in the realisation that although I had some minor progression, and some positive opportunities in the pipeline, not much had really changed. The comparison in effort versus the returns was really quite dismal.
I had been wondering long and hard, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong? All of these books state, you should see a huge difference within twelve months. I was two years in, with no real significant change. It was fair to say my hope and enthusiasm was dwindling fast.
I asked the Universe to help me understand where I was going wrong. The answer soon appeared…
After attending a few yoga classes, something in me began to change – my mind started to find peace. I found myself relishing in the quietness of no thoughts and the calmness of the present moment – it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Soon after, I felt gravitated to a book that has laid on my shelf, untouched, for many years. I had tried to read it a long time ago, but I obviously wasn’t ready to hear the Authors message.
Now all I could hear was Eckhart Toll calling my name “Stacey, The Power Of Now, The Power Of Now, Oh, for God’s sake read The Power Of Now”. As I read each page, Eckhart’s words resinated with every fibre of my being – finally the answer to my prayers!
I’ve been thinking too much, not living in the now, and in doing this, I haven’t been allowing things to unfold (manifest) naturally. I’ve been clutching on for dear life to the desired outcome: when you don’t let go, the fear overrides everything – keeping you stuck in misery.
I started to do as Eckhart suggests “Just observe your thoughts, do not judge them, just watch”. It’s amazing how quickly the thoughts of past and future disappear as you make a conscious effort to ‘watch’ them.
I wouldn’t say that I’ve mastered ‘The Power Of Now’ just yet, but the relief I feel from focusing on the present moment, is certainly enticing me to embody this practice as a new way of ‘being’.
In the short time I have been consciously focusing on the ‘now’, I feel light, I feel unburdened – I guess you could say, I feel FREE, and guess what? That’s a very pleasant place to be!
Thanks for reading.
I’d love to hear from you. What practice helps keep your mind peaceful?
Making mistakes is one of life’s true blessings…
Do not envy those who seemingly breeze through life, instead, feel sad for them – you can only grow and evolve within yourself through making mistakes, and, of course, learning from them. That’s the key ingredient – to learn, it’s where the magic lies.
Those who always make the ‘right’ decision, are stagnant – missing the beauty that emerges from the harshness of reality, and the joys of growing through the pain.
Knowing you’ve overcome difficult challenges, makes you appreciate life in it’s true essence…
You can only understand the depths of what is right, good and joyous, if you first understand the contrast of wrong, bad, and miserable. Others will happily tell you, you’re about to make a mistake, but until you’ve experienced it for yourself, the lessons have not been learned, and the contrast cannot be cultivated.
So, the next time you make a mistake, do not berate yourself, instead, learn, grow and blossom from the depths of attained wisdom – the hidden gem just waiting to be found.
If you’ve found a blessing in a mistake you’ve made, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
P.s Don’t forget to hit the follow button if you’ve enjoyed this post.
Thanks for reading.
I’ve been writing privately for as long as I can remember: my thoughts, my pain, my regrets…
I’ve always felt writing was my calling, a way to help others feel understood and supported through their times of darkness.
Through my many years in despair, I felt alone, so very alone. Too scared to turn to others out of fear: fear that I’d be judged, or worse, that I’d make another disappointed in me, it’s the disappointment that really gets to me. I’m always striving for approval, probably due to my deep seated fear of rejection and abandonment.
We all have these fears, don’t we? Fears that we aren’t good enough, fears that others won’t like us, fears, fears, so many fears. I’m sure that others have them, it’s just some are too fearful to admit that they are less than perfect.
These are the people that can’t be helped, remaining in ignorance is a much easier and desirable option… (in the short term). People like this scoff and laugh at people like me – the thought of self-awareness frightens them beyond belief. It gives a glimpse of how confronting it is to be totally honest and open with one’s own imperfections.
I don’t blame such people for the judgement, I know how scary looking in the mirror can be, but, these aren’t the types of people you’ll find on my page, these are the types that will run – far away. The ones who will stay and walk with me, are the ones who are brave enough to face themselves without the protection of a façade.
The fear of being exposed is a frightening thought! However, those of us who are ready to free ourselves from the shackles of fear and pain, are aware that in order to do this, we must strip back to the rawness of our vulnerability, and learn how to be comfortable in that space. It is here we must keep the faith, that growing comfortable within our vulnerability, is where self-acceptance can be found – that self-loving freedom.
This is my first blog post, and I can tell you, the thought of pressing the publish button frightens me to my very core, I am not comfortable with showing my vulnerability at all!
But, I know I have to if I want to embody self-acceptance, and inspire others to do the same.
The only way to overcome our fears, is to face them, look them in the eye with a steely gaze, and charge right through them, with determination and dedication to be triumphant.
That is what I’m here to do: to share with you, learn with you, and grow with you into the safety of our own blissful self-acceptance…
The reflection makes a tear drop fall,
the memories though far are still so raw.
The infliction of hate, is hard to bare.
What I did to myself was so unfair.
I weep for that time, a scared little girl.
So lost, so fallen, she was back then.
An arduous task to find the fragments,
shattered into a million pieces.
Pieces so hard to fix once broken
A painstaking task to find where they fit…
Years of patience and determination,
has been the only way back to salvation.
The picture has come back into focus.
Though, the broken lines are of notice.
Although not perfect, it tells a tale.
The fragility has become unveiled.
There is nothing left to fear or hide.
Now it is forgiveness time.
To let go of the hate, to let love shine.
What was back then, does not live in the now.
The moment is here for you to be proud.
Please forgive yourself in order to allow,
the seedling to sprout out of the ground.
You’ve done the planting, the watering too.
Now shine that love –
give the strength to break through.
That is all that’s left to do.
The rest God will take care of for you.
The dawn has set, it’s time to rise.
A glorious morning –
the future of an untold story.
That future is here, in the palm of your hand.
This was always a part of the big grand plan.
Let go of the old, make way for the new.
It is your time, it is here, to start being you.
Trust me, that is all that’s left to do…
To be you,
To be you,
To be all of you!